prontissimo | kaisou inbox

I've got more where that came from.
Wanna learn about explosive shrimp?

[Because why not teach the kid weird, horrifying animal facts while he's at it? He'll be throwing things out to see what sticks, basically. At least until Alberto starts sending things back. Then he can get better feel for what he likes.]

[ So a lot of that was over Alberto’s head, like a joke he knows is funny but isn’t totally in on; but his main takeaway is more informed. He attaches a link to a video of his own. Having been uncertain if the murderous shrimp in question was part of the joke he wasn’t getting, he decided to Google “exploding shrimp,” and found that this creature is very much real… He’s more taken by that than the funny video — but not wholly amused. It stirred up stronger feelings than he’d expected, rather than just some wild trivia about an interesting animal as a novelty like intended. By the end of the second video he found, he was shaking his head... ]

look
That shrimp is real. Their not joking.

arent you happy you live on land?
i could never live in the ocean. Everything good is up here.
because there’s crazy shrimp like THAT out there
Like. Literal shrimp. Haha.

But also NOT HA HA because what the shell 😬🦐

[ …more nautical cussing, how topical… ]

Yeah no the ocean is full of crazy shit like that.
Check this out.
And that's just what's been discovered.
It's estimated about 80% of the ocean hasn't even been explored.

[I mean, hey. If Alberto is gonna latch onto the weird, cool fact part over the humor? Katsuki is down to talk weird, cool ocean shit!]

Like if this is what's lurking near enough the surface for people to find it what the hell is down deeper?
The ocean is full of nightmare fuel.
Crazy, cool nightmare fuel.

[ What Katsuki misunderstands is how much Alberto isn't interested in this. That Alberto's only latching onto this because he finds it mildly disturbing, and Katsuki now talking about The Deep strikes a weird nerve. He can't keep his feelings to himself, though, even if this is the most obviously he's ever spoken about ocean life... It may invite suspicion, but the outrage outweighs it. ]

why would anyone ever want to explore the Deep??!
there's nothing down there. just nothing and MORE nothing... except all the rotten dead stuff from above floating around, ha. it's dark. empty. just you and your thoughts. as far away from the world as possible. the Deep is a horrible place. the weird fish down there are the least of the NIGHTMARE FUEL in the Deep. it's the worst place you can imagine. my dad told me all about it. and my best friend told me about it too because his uncle went there. neither of THEM ever went there but they ALMOST did!
if you're down there too long it changes your BODY... your skin can turn seethrough. there's no light. no oxygen. anyone that goes to the Deep will never be the same when they come back up...
there's no reason for anyone to go exploring down there.
there's nothing worth discovering.

Edited 2022-06-01 19:22 (UTC)

[Okay. He has... clearly struck a nerve here. But the good thing about text conversations is you can chew them over. You don't have to have a reply ready to go. He can kind of read it over a couple of times and piece it together. And also... not lose his shit? Because if this was happening in person he would be losing his shit.

And that is not the appropriate response. It's just his go-to response and he's... working on it.

It's not like he forgot the casual drop of sea monster existence in their first conversation either? Sorry, Alberto. But your reaction to that coupled with that seamonsters are just people thing before...

Katsuki's smart enough to get an inkling of what may be going on here. He understands the desire to hide the ways that make you Other. And maybe there's something he can do there. But there is... a lot going on in that response. So maybe save the are-you-a-seamonster conversation for later? Table it for now?

Bigger fish to fry so to speak.]

I just thought you were interested in the shrimp thing.
Not like I was trying to say you should go deep sea diving or that I wanted to.
I want no parts of actually visiting the ocean.
I just think the creatures are neat.
Won't send you anymore ocean shit if it upsets you though?

im not UPSET im fine with ocean stuff
i'm just saying
that's REALLY STUPID if people are wanting to explore the deep
it should REMAIN 80 % unexplored
lots of crazy nightmare fuel down there ejust saying its not COOL nightmare fule
besides theres way weirder stuff onland

Look humans are just fucked up like that.
People live in places that routinely get wrecked by acts of nature.
Or that are ridiculously inhospitable.
Or we eat things that actively hurt to eat.
Personally I love spicy food that makes my eyes water.
Get used to how crazy we are.
Also yeah, there's weird shit here too.
Like this.

[He's gonna try this again, but with land things. Maybe that'll be better received?]

[ Suddenly alarm bells are ringing. DID he blow his cover…? The distance implied between the lines of this last text is… concerning. Revealing. Revealing his own reveal. So his next response is tentative, the “…” flashing and disappearing a few times before a response comes through. ]

I am used to it……
Why wouldn’t i be used to it……?
It’s not like im FROM the ocean…?
Don’t say it so weird?

[ There. Deflected. 100% unsuspicious. And amazingly, technically, without much of a lie. He really did grow up on land, in living memory.

But the attached video draws another pause. ]

[ Uh, yeah, no, that video distracts him from his discomfort. Perfect segue. ]

abyway
1. What
2. this

[ And attaches a video of his own… though still odd that he’s arguing “frogs” as weird “land” animals. But still, arguably not ocean animals, so he has a point.

…But still. ]

[Well he guesses if they aren't unpacking ocean trauma and Alberto's going to give him a perfect opening...]

Kid, you're not exactly great at the lying thing.
The way you talked about the deep and how your dad almost got sent there?
Not to mention you give off major cryptid vibes.
For the record this app is crawling with people who don't entirely fit the 'normal human' label.
Myself included.
So whatever you think is gonna happen if I know? It's not.
Anyway, check out this ostrich chasing cyclists.

[Just very casual nbd calling him on it and moving on?]

[ Oh, sharks... ]

i don't know what you're talking about.

[ There. Not even watching the ostrich video, unfortunately. He's panicking. ]

Look.
You could come from the ocean or outer space or a plant pod.
Doesn't really mean shit to me.
I'm just saying, you don't have to watch how you talk with me.
You're a sea monster and I've got a fiery fox demon living inside me.
Neither has to be a big deal.
Right?
Now do you want more weird animal videos?

what…?

[ “What” to what, Alberto…? He’s sweating bullets over here. It’s the second time he’s been exposed since being here. Not ideal. But conflicting because, well… it doesn’t seem poorly received, if he does let on honestly… He’s torn. Again, there’s a lapse with blinking “…” before another response. ]

but yes? More movies?

Ever heard of pangolins?

[Just. Take your time with the rest of that, Alberto. It's cool. That's why Katsuki is detouring from it as soon as he drops it on him that he knows. Is that the best tactic? Who the hell knows? He's winging it.]

Edited 2022-06-09 16:32 (UTC)

[ Oh, per mille sardine, this is terribly distressing... he wanted the topic dropped, and now that it has been, he's freaking out maybe more? No closure or explanation or reassurance, just casually outed himself and now can't even confirm whether or not he's actually outed himself or if his weak deflection was strong enough. He's just gotta roll with it. Again, the "..." deliberatively blink off and on a couple times for a long moment, before Alberto's response comes through again, wedding himself to the facade now by just... moving on smoothly. Or not-so-smoothly. Oof. ]

how do you know all the animals?
ccan you talk to them?
i met a kid who talks to animals at the animal park here a while ago.
he told me about tikers and dacks and the big pink seagulls.
and monkies. he said those are jerks tho.
do you know these animals?

Edited 2022-06-10 16:09 (UTC)

[Katsuki is treating this as very much Not A Big Deal right now. It'll maybe come up again later. If Alberto doesn't breach the subject at some point, Katsuki will again. But for now... he's just letting it sit.]

What?
No, I can't talk to animals.
I've never even seen half these things in person.
These aren't my videos or anything.
Anyone can post these things to the internet.
I just find 'em and share 'em.
I guess if you wanted to see 'em in person you could go to the zoo?

yeah thats where i went
where i met that kid

i know theyre not YOUR movies i'm just saying, you know a lot about animals youve never even met before.

i only know about animals ive met before. mostly.
there are some animals i know about that ive never met
like dogs. i seen dogs. ive never MET a dog myself but i know about them.

but i dont know about animals that dont LIVE near me
like PANGOLIANS and eye eyes and stuff... theres probably a million animals in the world!!! you just like knowing about them all?

[ Katsuki's been promoted to "Expert on Every Animal Ever" inadvertently.

But even as Alberto's gaining confidence he's shifted the suspicions away from himself... he goes and drops some bull shit like "I've never met a dog before." Jfc kid grhbjsdf ]

I just looked up 'weirdest animals'.

[What do you mean you've never MET a dog, Alberto? What kind of weird fact is that? But he guesses... dogs aren't exactly plentiful in the ocean so.]

You can learn about anything you want, you know?
Gotta be careful where you learn it since the internet is full of lies too.
But it's pretty useful.
C'mon, pick a topic.
Bet I can find you information on it.

yeah i know its an Every Question Ever Answerer

[ Though this does kind of raise the challenge to try and stump the Internet... There's a slight delay, but Alberto texts back again. ]

OK so the Everything Machine doesnt know EVERYTHING
doesnt know about magic singing lady machines. nothing.
ha.
🤷🏽‍♂️

[ ...Yup... You outsmarted Google, Alberto. Really showed Katsuki, too. He tried to pick the most specific but still commonplace item he'd like to learn more about, but uh. He'd have had better luck looking up "phonograph" or "gramophone" or even just "record player..." Displaced in time, on top of being a fish out of water in human society. There's really so much going on with this kid... ]

Magic singing lady machines?
You have an example of what you're looking for?
Picture, maybe?

[His first thought certainly isn't phonograph. He's thinking maybe a cd player or a radio... and he's already pulling up tabs while he awaits a reply.]

[ The picture attached is... probably not what Katsuki expected. His first glimpse of Alberto's expert artwork, too, wow. ]

this
you put the black music plates on it and it sings

[ He attaches a photo of his hand holding a record of his own in front of its sleeve, for further example. And Katsuki's first glimpse into Alberto's perhaps equally unexpected music tastes, as well... What an extremely informative conversation this has been so far? And still absolutely pointing toward "not-human" somehow... And to think this all came from sharing iCarla videos. ]

Edited 2022-06-16 14:25 (UTC)

[That sure is some artwork there. He's definitely chalking this up to another sea monster thing. But he shifts tracks on his search and--]

Is this what you're looking for?

yes
That’s it.

Try phonograph.

[Every part of him wants to drop a line about how that's what humans call it. He resists. Also he googles that record name while he's at it.]

Gotta say I wouldn't have guessed your music taste at all.
You're full of surprises.

👍🏽

[ Duly noted. And a rare occasion for Alberto to seemingly accept being corrected or having something explained to him that challenges his preconceived notions. But, uh, he's... still probably going to keep calling it a Magic Singing Lady Machine, let's be real. He's keen to talk about music, though, and he's glad to be getting away from anything even peripherally sea monster-related.

However, his next text surely draws new weird suspicions. Full of surprises, indeed. ]

I love all different kinds of music! 🤩🤗😏👌🏼🎶📻🙆🏽‍♂️
when i lived in Portorosso back home, I probably spent like TEN LIRE on the jukebox haha (I was there like 2 weeks and 25 centesimi got you 3songs, you do the math)
the guy who owned the cafe gave me a limit… 😬🤨😂🙄🤌🏼🙅🏽‍♂️
he got mad after I danced on it with some girls one day so after that he was kind of 😒 at me 🤷🏽‍♂️ Ha ha

[ So the Italian Lira has been defunct since 2002, and, uh… jukeboxes haven’t been common for. A really… really long time.

Also he danced on the jukebox?! The kid’s out of control wherever he goes. ]

Edited 2022-06-16 19:30 (UTC)

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1/2

2/2; I was gonna share the same animal lmaooo now I gotta pivot 😹

Akududuf pfff great minds think alike.

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